Many a time, I am alone. I become alone. I am usually not lonely (referred to the feeling of loneliness). There is a being inside me. Almost all introverts like me would agree to this. When I am alone, I am with that being. I would call it as the insider (not the notable book of P.V.Narasimha Rao). The insider talks to me all the time. He never leaves me alone. When I did Yogic meditation in the mornings of 2007, over the terrace before going for work, i had him quiet. But not for many days. It creeps and crawls into the dark cellars of my mind probing something. I have no control over him unless I do yoga and meditation.
I know that if I send the above lines to any psychiatrist, he will simply prescribe drugs for schizzophrenia or obsessive compulsive disorder or bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder (these are some words I extremely am in love with). I am not making my web-life a psychopath's thrilling adventure-story. I have my musings. Thats all I wanted to convey.
My thoughts revolving around my being are very annoying. They are like buzzing bees. So to reduce the pain it gives, I type it down in my Cellphone's (Sony Ericson W700i) Notes application. So I have lot of notes inside my cellphone. Nowadays when i try to enter a new note, its saying 'overloaded and not able to create new notes. Please delete some'. The contents in the notes are elementary and not elaborated. They are in simple and precise sentences. For a particular subject there may be more or less 2 ideas. But when i try to get it down here, i may tend to elucidate upon them. I would like to pen them down in the coming days...
jo
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Harmony is the goal; Dissonance is the hindrance...
I saw a film today named 'Amelie'. It is a french film in which an introverted love seeking woman named 'Amelie' starts feeling a sense of harmony in herself after she decides to mend the messy lives of people around her. For doing it she devises funny strategic ways and enacts it with perfection. Later she realies it needs courage to mend one's own messy life. The story is about how a young lady like Amelie gather enough courage to make it happen.
Harmony is what we want. And harmony in the way we feel ourselves is the intoxication we search here and there. We try to find it in our relationships. We try to find in our work places. We try to find it in cocaine,alcohol and tobacco. We want physical, spiritual and mental harmony for which we join Yoga and Pranayam. We do meditation. We do aerobics. What all we do for this elusive stuff called harmony. We fight even world wars for harmony.
This harmony is physical,mental and spiritual all at the same time. Socrates had told : "Its good to marry; If you get a good wife, you can be happy. If you get a bad one, you can be a philosopher." It needs lack of harmony for becoming a philosopher. A person in harmony doesn't look for meaning of life and other metaphysics. He doesn't find it needed at the moment when he is in harmony. J.Krishnamurthi had told same stuff when he was asked whats the meaning of life.
Students from good families are blessed with harmony in themselves. Affection from family or other relationships is the greatest source of harmony for most of the human beings. This harmony is what that makes those students excel in their life. If somebody lacks harmony he won't be able to grow. He will be in a rut. He is in a vicious cycle in which he ends up in dissonance whatever he does to overcome.
I don't understand the mechanics of harmony. When you feel the affection of somebody, out of nothing harmony takes birth in you. You don't remember you were depressed the moment before. That might be what being-completely-in-the-moment means for Osho and J.Krishnamurthi.
The dissonance is what you have to dispell from your life. If that is done, you are bound to grow in harmony and you reach the goal. From lower harmony to higher you take strides on and on. Let your destiny unravel with its own ways of dispelling the only hindrance to reach the goal ie. dissonance.
I had gone for my Abhyudaya session today. It is a scheme in which PGDM students are asked to mentor a child from poor family background. We are required to guide them not only in their studies but also building positively their personality, attitude and the whole outlook towards their life, others lives and society as a whole. The word Abhyudaya means 'growing together'. I remember 'selfless service' is one of the ways to reach Krishna(Consciousness) from my reading of Bhagvat Gita. Krishna is a mythological name given to harmony as far as I know the indian philosophy. I do feel abhyudaya is quite a means to be harmonious. I also feel management is nothing but building harmony inside yourself which will be reflected outside by ist own law. The law being 'What is our inside world becomes our outside world'.
A really long prose can be written on this abstract subject. Anyway all this will remain in theory itself unless you experience it atleast once.
jo
Harmony is what we want. And harmony in the way we feel ourselves is the intoxication we search here and there. We try to find it in our relationships. We try to find in our work places. We try to find it in cocaine,alcohol and tobacco. We want physical, spiritual and mental harmony for which we join Yoga and Pranayam. We do meditation. We do aerobics. What all we do for this elusive stuff called harmony. We fight even world wars for harmony.
This harmony is physical,mental and spiritual all at the same time. Socrates had told : "Its good to marry; If you get a good wife, you can be happy. If you get a bad one, you can be a philosopher." It needs lack of harmony for becoming a philosopher. A person in harmony doesn't look for meaning of life and other metaphysics. He doesn't find it needed at the moment when he is in harmony. J.Krishnamurthi had told same stuff when he was asked whats the meaning of life.
Students from good families are blessed with harmony in themselves. Affection from family or other relationships is the greatest source of harmony for most of the human beings. This harmony is what that makes those students excel in their life. If somebody lacks harmony he won't be able to grow. He will be in a rut. He is in a vicious cycle in which he ends up in dissonance whatever he does to overcome.
I don't understand the mechanics of harmony. When you feel the affection of somebody, out of nothing harmony takes birth in you. You don't remember you were depressed the moment before. That might be what being-completely-in-the-moment means for Osho and J.Krishnamurthi.
The dissonance is what you have to dispell from your life. If that is done, you are bound to grow in harmony and you reach the goal. From lower harmony to higher you take strides on and on. Let your destiny unravel with its own ways of dispelling the only hindrance to reach the goal ie. dissonance.
I had gone for my Abhyudaya session today. It is a scheme in which PGDM students are asked to mentor a child from poor family background. We are required to guide them not only in their studies but also building positively their personality, attitude and the whole outlook towards their life, others lives and society as a whole. The word Abhyudaya means 'growing together'. I remember 'selfless service' is one of the ways to reach Krishna(Consciousness) from my reading of Bhagvat Gita. Krishna is a mythological name given to harmony as far as I know the indian philosophy. I do feel abhyudaya is quite a means to be harmonious. I also feel management is nothing but building harmony inside yourself which will be reflected outside by ist own law. The law being 'What is our inside world becomes our outside world'.
A really long prose can be written on this abstract subject. Anyway all this will remain in theory itself unless you experience it atleast once.
jo
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Being good and suffering pain
You may be thinking that 'doing/being good' is a privilege you have to live in this world with greater comfort. If you think that ethical living will give you an easy living, you are wrong.
Nature teaches it in this way - It doesn't matter if you are a carnivore or a herbivore, other carnivores will never stop hunting you. Doing good is no reason for the wild world to behave nicely to innocent you.
There are a zillion of examples in real life for this many of which you yourself can think of from your personal lives. You may be good. But its not a shield for you to get protected from being cheated by the best of your friends. Its not that you will never be suffering from others actions if you are good. Moral of the story is not that you have to be cruel to prevent.
Most of the people are conditioned to believe that when they do good, only good things will happen to them. Its the duty of the Supreme Being to make arranagements to shower good things to the good doer. Is it that way? Is it not justice if bad things happen to good people?
Too much on doing good without the concept of karma is handicapped. The theory of karma given by Bhagavat Gita says if you do selfless service to the worthy people, you will feel some supreme presence of goodness or happiness in you. There are many people working with NGOs who are living examples to this. This part of human existence is called Spiritual Quotient.
In my college,SPJIMR, we have a faculty named Mr. Parimal Merchant who has been collaborating with various NGOs apart from teaching students. His personal experience says, the selfless acts to the worthy people fills a vaccum. It is like drops of rain water in the dry soil in summer. As a result of this, his personal power increases. He is loved by everyone in the college. Theres nobody in the college who is not a fan of his ways. His personlaity is worth emulating.
So do not lose heart. Do good and feel the supreme being's presence in yourself. Its the easiest and fastet way compared to sitting idle for meditation.
jo
Nature teaches it in this way - It doesn't matter if you are a carnivore or a herbivore, other carnivores will never stop hunting you. Doing good is no reason for the wild world to behave nicely to innocent you.
There are a zillion of examples in real life for this many of which you yourself can think of from your personal lives. You may be good. But its not a shield for you to get protected from being cheated by the best of your friends. Its not that you will never be suffering from others actions if you are good. Moral of the story is not that you have to be cruel to prevent.
Most of the people are conditioned to believe that when they do good, only good things will happen to them. Its the duty of the Supreme Being to make arranagements to shower good things to the good doer. Is it that way? Is it not justice if bad things happen to good people?
Too much on doing good without the concept of karma is handicapped. The theory of karma given by Bhagavat Gita says if you do selfless service to the worthy people, you will feel some supreme presence of goodness or happiness in you. There are many people working with NGOs who are living examples to this. This part of human existence is called Spiritual Quotient.
In my college,SPJIMR, we have a faculty named Mr. Parimal Merchant who has been collaborating with various NGOs apart from teaching students. His personal experience says, the selfless acts to the worthy people fills a vaccum. It is like drops of rain water in the dry soil in summer. As a result of this, his personal power increases. He is loved by everyone in the college. Theres nobody in the college who is not a fan of his ways. His personlaity is worth emulating.
So do not lose heart. Do good and feel the supreme being's presence in yourself. Its the easiest and fastet way compared to sitting idle for meditation.
jo
Sunday, October 11, 2009
A call for being a yogi
I recently read somewhere, among a set of buddhist monks, a criteria for selecting the 'guru' (gu-darkness,ru-dispel meaning Spiritual Teacher) of the community is the dexterity with which one controls his blood pressure...
Dr. Pravin Koppikar is a very famous doctor having a clinic at Seven Bungalows,Andheri (West),Mumbai. He told i seemed like having flu. He gave me meddication for 5 days. During his regular check up, he found in me blood pressure in a level which is more than normal. My BP measured 140/94 to a normal of 120/80 for a guy of my age. I didn't have jitters hearing that. Praneeth, my friend in next room of hostel, asked me how you are so cool having known your condition.
The doctor gave me a one page info leaflet for letting me know more about Hypertension(HT). HT can not be cured unfortunately but can only be controlled. This is a positive sign. This is something which goes with my subtle desire of becoming a yogi. I resolve to do yoga for reducing my weight, stress and bp forever. There were no great physical cause to do it. But now i can see all the fingers pointing to me being a yogi.
I can't forget the awe and wonder with which i read the legendary popular book by a yogi, Yogi Yogananda Pramahamsa. I had bought it from Mangalore central railway station for Rs.125 when i was about to journey to my home in kerala. All the yogic powers which is mentioned in the book, i will be posessing. I will be beyond doubt knowing the supreme truth. The tomorrow has become better with this hypertension. Now starts a new life with ht...
jo
Dr. Pravin Koppikar is a very famous doctor having a clinic at Seven Bungalows,Andheri (West),Mumbai. He told i seemed like having flu. He gave me meddication for 5 days. During his regular check up, he found in me blood pressure in a level which is more than normal. My BP measured 140/94 to a normal of 120/80 for a guy of my age. I didn't have jitters hearing that. Praneeth, my friend in next room of hostel, asked me how you are so cool having known your condition.
The doctor gave me a one page info leaflet for letting me know more about Hypertension(HT). HT can not be cured unfortunately but can only be controlled. This is a positive sign. This is something which goes with my subtle desire of becoming a yogi. I resolve to do yoga for reducing my weight, stress and bp forever. There were no great physical cause to do it. But now i can see all the fingers pointing to me being a yogi.
I can't forget the awe and wonder with which i read the legendary popular book by a yogi, Yogi Yogananda Pramahamsa. I had bought it from Mangalore central railway station for Rs.125 when i was about to journey to my home in kerala. All the yogic powers which is mentioned in the book, i will be posessing. I will be beyond doubt knowing the supreme truth. The tomorrow has become better with this hypertension. Now starts a new life with ht...
jo
Friday, October 9, 2009
I am not a marketing guy, I am a finance guy.
I am not at all a marketing guy. I had applied a lot to many B-schools for marketing specialisation. I didn't get through even a single one. I had thought that interviews and Group discussions are meant to all specialisation. I had thought they won't evaluate you on the basis of the specialisation i have applied for. That was a foolish thing from my side. No B-school found the 'marketing stuff' in me. But somehow ,fortunately, I reached in a blessed institution called SPJIMR and in Finance specialisation.
I remember the day I filled the Online Application Form of S.P.Jain Institute of Management and Research, Mumbai. First among the stuffs to be filled was Finance. In a single page, specialisation opting for was being asked, and a submit sign! I don't know what happened, consciously or subconsciously I selected 'Finance' and pressed the 'Submit' Button! Whoosh! I realised in that split second, there's something unusual going on. I had always opted for Marketing in all the other B-schools and now i had just opted finance. I checked for all ways in the website to change the specialisation already submitted. It went to a wasted attempt. But i didn't bother about it. I felt i will be fine with whatever specialisation i would be taking.
All this happened after that filling of application form in spjimr.org. I got selected in the first list itself for Finance specialisation in SPJIMR. And no other Big institutes selected me. K.J Somaiyya Mumbai, IFMR Chennai, SIBM Bangalore etc didn't take me. A momentary sadness prevailed then. Last among the colleges who aired out the results were SPJIMR. Last week of April 2009. In night I was not getting sleep. i waked up at around 2.30- 3.00 am and checked the SPJIMR website. And..the last moment of striving to get into a reputed B-school. I didn't prepare for interview, I didn't enjoy the interview so as to receive positive vibes from the Panel. And now i am here in SPJIMR.
When I was in Trimester 1, for the purpose of an assignment in 'Organisational behaviour' a.k.a 'People and Performance' course, I had asked many friends about myself. Name of the assignment was 'Reflected Best Self' or RBS. It was for finding out how the people around you, with whom you lived with, you studied with, you worked with, etc. are thinking about me. How is the process 'me' occurs to others. One of my friends who was my classmate in Mechanical Engineering batch of 2002-06, George K Perekkat or simply 'Pera' responded to me in a very precise and deep manner. He wrote back to me and among the list was this line 'An introvert but trying to be extrovert'.
Now I know myself better. I was deluded by extrovertish people being lauded by others for possessing so-called heroic qulaities like eloquency, courage, public speaking, communication skill,etc. I am basically an introvert. I am not good in communication skills. I am not a spontaneous person. I am a thinking person. I am not a doing person. I am an analytical detail oriented person. I am not basically an intuitive person. I am a mathematical person. I am not a histroy/social-studies/english/extracurricular-activities person. So I am realising myself right here and now. I am a finance guy.
I really felt in the wee hours of the morning, i was destined to be here in this institute in this specialisation...
jo
I remember the day I filled the Online Application Form of S.P.Jain Institute of Management and Research, Mumbai. First among the stuffs to be filled was Finance. In a single page, specialisation opting for was being asked, and a submit sign! I don't know what happened, consciously or subconsciously I selected 'Finance' and pressed the 'Submit' Button! Whoosh! I realised in that split second, there's something unusual going on. I had always opted for Marketing in all the other B-schools and now i had just opted finance. I checked for all ways in the website to change the specialisation already submitted. It went to a wasted attempt. But i didn't bother about it. I felt i will be fine with whatever specialisation i would be taking.
All this happened after that filling of application form in spjimr.org. I got selected in the first list itself for Finance specialisation in SPJIMR. And no other Big institutes selected me. K.J Somaiyya Mumbai, IFMR Chennai, SIBM Bangalore etc didn't take me. A momentary sadness prevailed then. Last among the colleges who aired out the results were SPJIMR. Last week of April 2009. In night I was not getting sleep. i waked up at around 2.30- 3.00 am and checked the SPJIMR website. And..the last moment of striving to get into a reputed B-school. I didn't prepare for interview, I didn't enjoy the interview so as to receive positive vibes from the Panel. And now i am here in SPJIMR.
When I was in Trimester 1, for the purpose of an assignment in 'Organisational behaviour' a.k.a 'People and Performance' course, I had asked many friends about myself. Name of the assignment was 'Reflected Best Self' or RBS. It was for finding out how the people around you, with whom you lived with, you studied with, you worked with, etc. are thinking about me. How is the process 'me' occurs to others. One of my friends who was my classmate in Mechanical Engineering batch of 2002-06, George K Perekkat or simply 'Pera' responded to me in a very precise and deep manner. He wrote back to me and among the list was this line 'An introvert but trying to be extrovert'.
Now I know myself better. I was deluded by extrovertish people being lauded by others for possessing so-called heroic qulaities like eloquency, courage, public speaking, communication skill,etc. I am basically an introvert. I am not good in communication skills. I am not a spontaneous person. I am a thinking person. I am not a doing person. I am an analytical detail oriented person. I am not basically an intuitive person. I am a mathematical person. I am not a histroy/social-studies/english/extracurricular-activities person. So I am realising myself right here and now. I am a finance guy.
I really felt in the wee hours of the morning, i was destined to be here in this institute in this specialisation...
jo
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Coming out of the Vicious Circle of loneliness
I wonder if i am in a vicious circle of loneliness...
Once i was suffering from depression. Then i became an introverted, reserved and non-social loner. I kept myself away from the people. I tasted how the depression feels like. I know it and i know at the cost of my health, vigour, extraversion and humour sense. It made me a loner. The loneliness in return makes me depressed. Perpetual vicious circle of loneliness..
Its like vicious circle or poverty. You don't have money for investing on yourself. You remain poor. And you don't have money to invest on your children also. Perpetual vicious circle of poverty..
All the vicious circles of negative things are like this i suppose.. For breaking this circle what got introduced into the economy is the Investment, investment by poor in whatever possible and investment by others which has the potential to change the live of poor.
I want in my life such an investment from my side and attempt to stimulate investment by others.. How to get it be done ? how to get out of this ...?
Being a philosopher, i have to keep myself in grief forever so that i can be a philosopher for ever..? Socrates was made philosopher by the meaningless pathetic life he had. Philosophy is a ghost which refuse to leave you in grief. It is an escape from reality? I really don't know.
jo
Once i was suffering from depression. Then i became an introverted, reserved and non-social loner. I kept myself away from the people. I tasted how the depression feels like. I know it and i know at the cost of my health, vigour, extraversion and humour sense. It made me a loner. The loneliness in return makes me depressed. Perpetual vicious circle of loneliness..
Its like vicious circle or poverty. You don't have money for investing on yourself. You remain poor. And you don't have money to invest on your children also. Perpetual vicious circle of poverty..
All the vicious circles of negative things are like this i suppose.. For breaking this circle what got introduced into the economy is the Investment, investment by poor in whatever possible and investment by others which has the potential to change the live of poor.
I want in my life such an investment from my side and attempt to stimulate investment by others.. How to get it be done ? how to get out of this ...?
Being a philosopher, i have to keep myself in grief forever so that i can be a philosopher for ever..? Socrates was made philosopher by the meaningless pathetic life he had. Philosophy is a ghost which refuse to leave you in grief. It is an escape from reality? I really don't know.
jo
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